Slowly waking up.

I lie in bed, I walk in wonder, I wander in a wonder, I wonder in a wander. I am present in a dream, I am present in reality. I am absent in nothingness, I am present in plenty. Whoah.. Where am I? I know where I am. But why don't I feel myself? I can smell, breathe, touch, taste, listen. But the stimulations I get are from somewhere else.

You appreciate the warmth of the sun, you appreciate the warmth of the souls. You think of the could've beens - but they are the could've beens because it wasn't done when I was there, present. You wish and hope and miss only when you're away. You feel like you weren't ready. But then again, when are we ever ready? A given certificate, a bought plain ticket. A step into a new place.. It wouldn't necessary mean that you were ready.

"Ready.. Set.. Go!"
But you actually are. Time was there, and time was given. Decisions were made, and blessings were given.

I watch myself cry (or more like gasps for air) but still, those cries are the given water for growth, nourishment and strength to my surroundings, environment and self. Those cries were needed even though I felt like the present was a bad, bad dream.

I honestly don't understand what I'm going through. But at the same time, I know that good things are yet to come. Things suck, things are confusing, but I'm holding my breath, and biting my tongue, I'm clenching my fist, my muscles are tense.. Good things are yet to come. *exhale*

-

Throwback to Wednesday, when I just felt really hollow. And when the weather and vitamin D wasn't there to infuse me with goodness. I started crying like I have never before. I couldn't breathe and I was helpless with my emotions. They were ooooozing out of me profusely. What the hell is going on?

And I cried, and cried and cried.

I wouldn't call myself "religious" or a "good christian" because I never did ever think or care what a "christian life" or a "good christian" is supposed to be (more of that another time!) My faith is personal and all I know was that He was and is there to comfort me, and to also subconsciously, infuse me with good intentions because my God is so full of TLC! and so righteous!

"You don't have to look at the bigger picture. But you can always draw the bigger picture."
"You probably weren't ready to leave the nest. But you could learn how to fly now."

One step at a time Zoe, take a deep breath, good things are yet to come. They are.

Time to read on Pop Art now.