Only 18.

Yes, I do admit. I am only 18. But soon, I'll turn into a woman. Not so soon, but gradually. I know I am. I even can feel the change in me now. I feel myself growing.

But as I am growing, I am starting to make decisions for myself. Not that I have not before. But I realize that I do need to stand up for myself and know what nourishes me and benefits me as a person. And at the same time, please the other party. I do not believe in being selfish. I know that sometimes you have to. But it doesn't make me feel good deep inside to do so.

But what I realize, and what I need to work on, on myself is to live for myself. To think for myself. To know what is best for myself. To understand myself. To get what I want and get what I need. To feed my soul. Because there is only one me. And I am in full control of what makes me a better me.

I am a fickle pickle in fact. I regret doing the things I do because of not understanding how I feel. But I need to stop that. I need to understand myself like a book. I need to be predictable to myself. I know this all sounds so demanding for myself. But I have the urge to think of long term.

Yes I am 18, I am bound to make mistakes. I might not practice what I preach and bla bla bla..

But I really do have to start living for myself.
Because at the end of the day it's just you.
you.
and you.

It's just me and You.

Do what nourishes you Zoe. You'll see the glow in you, you'll see the light in you. You'll see what you're capable of.
All of us are capable of great things. Just do it. Tomorrow could be a new year in your calender.
Tomorrow is my Monday, tomorrow is my 1st of January. Tomorrow is a new start and I will grow and learn and move forward.

Tomorrow I will

• Be in time for class.
• Have a great breakfast (as always)
• Dress modestly to class/feel good.
• Do work during my free time.
• Do what I have to do.
• Exercise.
• Try to sleep early.
• Try to eat great.
• Pray.
• Be thankful.
• Count my blessings.
• Love the people around me.
• Give love.

I am lying on my bed as sitting down on my chair is causing my back to ache really bad. But as I am lying on my bed, I am subconsciously telling myself that I might fall asleep. And therefore, I do feel sleepy. But I have to fight this tiredness as a punishment to myself for not being able to divide my time as I ought to. I am feeling funny. I feel like I am longing for something as my life has been so stagnant. But the thing is- I do not know what I am longing for, but there is this sensation of longing for something in my heart. I am feeling sleepy...

Missed!

Hello all! I have definitely missed writing here. This space.

Let's talk about what has been on my mind lately and what I have been up to.

Basically, I feel like I have not been giving my best in the work I produce and I know that I have the capability and potential to do so. I am just shamelessly taking things for granted and doing things half heartedly.

Secondly, I feel like I have not been doing things that nourish me as a person. Things to build me up to whoever. But then again, every situation contradicts, the things I am doing now might bring me to realization to who I am and I guess it builds me up as a person as well.

Thirdly, I know that I am not fat. I know that I am not too skinny. But I miss working out and having healthy choice of food. But it's all time management and my schedule. But I just enjoy feeling good. I mean I do. But it's only temporary.

Fourth, I am still soul searching and the feelings I have today, yesterday, tomorrow - I know that they are temporary.

I just finished my first class and I am off to do my E-portfolio now.

I feel like tattooing "You gotta do what you ought'a do." on my arm.