I can't wait to go back home. Everything around me feels like an uneasy, haunted dream of unstability that I can't wait to get out of. I don't see myself progressing around here. And with that, I don't have the drive or motivation driven by inspiration to make me want to fulfil things or be better.
It's just shit.
I repeat, shit.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Faith
My name was supposed to be Faith but it got switched to Zoe. I like the name Zoe a lot actually. The fact that it starts with a Z and has only 3 letters. Saves me hellalot of time.. and I like the zig zag of it. Zig zag zoe lol. Anyway yeah, I guess I just feel like writing/talking about faith.
I was just thinking that our whole existence here on earth is nothing more but a test on our faith. In terms of the after life, having faith that you'll go to heaven or hell or just be nothing and from that faith, you work your way in life through values and goals. And goals! You have to have faith that you can reach your goal and that you can do it. Believe to have faith in it. I guess faith is a blind believe that you have to hold on to.
It's a humble approach on being right. Because, there isn't physical prove, but the faith in you knows that there is. And it's such a lovely thing to feel!
I was just thinking that our whole existence here on earth is nothing more but a test on our faith. In terms of the after life, having faith that you'll go to heaven or hell or just be nothing and from that faith, you work your way in life through values and goals. And goals! You have to have faith that you can reach your goal and that you can do it. Believe to have faith in it. I guess faith is a blind believe that you have to hold on to.
It's a humble approach on being right. Because, there isn't physical prove, but the faith in you knows that there is. And it's such a lovely thing to feel!
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Hustle hustel
I was spzzing out and having a damn panic attack last night because of my essay. But I hope and pray that things would be better this morning. My brain works so oddly and I can't stand it sometimes. It takes a lot of training to have a sane or is it saint mind.
Anyway, so I just had breakfast after my workout and shower this morning. No more coffee though :-( but I guess des guud. I woke up, did 30 minute of workout and 20 minutes of yoga and then showered and then had toast with egg, marmite (i love dat black stuff) and avocads, and pumpernickle with pb, dark choc, banana, sprinkled some coffee and cinnamon and then had bowls of cereal with my oat milk :-) lovely!
So yeah, I'm gonna attempt to start my essay soon. TBH I feel quite shit cz I feel like my life is so routinized but I guess people go through this phase. You know the feeling like "am I living life enough/as I should?" "am I stopping myself form stuff?" and you don't know if you are or not. damn.
Anyway I decided to list a few things that I am excited to do/go/achieve :
Anyway, so I just had breakfast after my workout and shower this morning. No more coffee though :-( but I guess des guud. I woke up, did 30 minute of workout and 20 minutes of yoga and then showered and then had toast with egg, marmite (i love dat black stuff) and avocads, and pumpernickle with pb, dark choc, banana, sprinkled some coffee and cinnamon and then had bowls of cereal with my oat milk :-) lovely!
So yeah, I'm gonna attempt to start my essay soon. TBH I feel quite shit cz I feel like my life is so routinized but I guess people go through this phase. You know the feeling like "am I living life enough/as I should?" "am I stopping myself form stuff?" and you don't know if you are or not. damn.
Anyway I decided to list a few things that I am excited to do/go/achieve :
- Get replies from universities.
- Focus more on my fitness (I really want to see some/a bit of abs I can see abit i guess but only in the morning lel)
- FINISH MY DAMN ESSAY
- FINISH MY DAMN LIGHTING PROJECT
- I cannot wait to go to Paris with Rosie to watch Jungle :-)))))
- SEE CELINE!!!
- Go back home!
- Plan to meet up with friends in London
- Do more things for people (make cards, make something, bake something)
- Practise kindness
I guess that's about it really. I should make more goals. But also remind myself to do them one step at a time. And also, I should plan more things to keep my mind and soul going. I guess I've learned to say "f dat shiet" when sadness comes my way.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Assimilaaaytionnn
Where have the days gone omgggggg??? I know I sleep in and snooze myself (and not set an alarm) but the days go by so fast....
What did I do today let's see! I woke up by the sound of Helen's (housemates) foot steps lol ya I think it was here shoes (wedges) and I could hear it this morning. I got a bit agitated and frustrated because I got woken up by something else other than myself/the sunlight/my alarm but then again, I have to be grateful for it if not I wouldn't have woken up at all!
I'm not sure if I worked out this morning tho. I don't think I did.. and then I went out to have breakfast. uh 4 toast, 2 eggs, avocados, granola, banana, pb etc etc etc after my lemon+ceyenne pepper and juice and fruits. I love breakfast omg I get so excited for it. Like I was in the kitchen eating from 10.30/11 till 12? Yeah I wish breakfast didn't end.
Anyway after that I had to do some designing thingy that I didn't realize practically took up my whole day and I havent done shit for my essay (ok i have done shit) (but not as much as it should be and not as much as i <3 to have done) anyway I plan to do it after doing this post. I already have some background concentration music on. Lel.
And then I did some stretching and yoga and some sort of workout before dinner and that design work thingy. To soothe myself and my soul. Gonna get on with the essay soon. I think I'm gonna open my window and take in a few fresh breath and then execute haha.
What did I do today let's see! I woke up by the sound of Helen's (housemates) foot steps lol ya I think it was here shoes (wedges) and I could hear it this morning. I got a bit agitated and frustrated because I got woken up by something else other than myself/the sunlight/my alarm but then again, I have to be grateful for it if not I wouldn't have woken up at all!
I'm not sure if I worked out this morning tho. I don't think I did.. and then I went out to have breakfast. uh 4 toast, 2 eggs, avocados, granola, banana, pb etc etc etc after my lemon+ceyenne pepper and juice and fruits. I love breakfast omg I get so excited for it. Like I was in the kitchen eating from 10.30/11 till 12? Yeah I wish breakfast didn't end.
Anyway after that I had to do some designing thingy that I didn't realize practically took up my whole day and I havent done shit for my essay (ok i have done shit) (but not as much as it should be and not as much as i <3 to have done) anyway I plan to do it after doing this post. I already have some background concentration music on. Lel.
And then I did some stretching and yoga and some sort of workout before dinner and that design work thingy. To soothe myself and my soul. Gonna get on with the essay soon. I think I'm gonna open my window and take in a few fresh breath and then execute haha.
Fak ok my back hurts so bad and I need to get my essay done but this was fun (collaging and gif-ing) byebye!
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Oh my goodness. My body feels so weird and I'm having such a difficult time trying to fall asleep. So, so, so restless! As I have been the whole day today. Is it too much of caffein? Hormones? The change of season? I HAVE NO IDEA. I have been in bed since 10/11 because I was "too tired to do my essay" but I'm awake.. wide awake.. but my brain isn't as awake as I think it is to continue with my essay.
Raspberry Granola
Good Morning all! I just had my raspberry granola with almond milk, blueberries and cinnamon. That was after my egg and avocado toast :-) I've got black dark coffee with me now. Mmmm bliss!
Anyway, I'm so blessed on how I have a body and a soul in this body.
I'm so blessed that I am capable of having the ability to have a goal.
And I am so blessed to have the privlage (idk how to spell) and support to help me reach my goal and also infuse love and care into the world.
"Ladies of light and ladies of darkness and ladies of never-you-mind,
this is a prayer for a blueberry girl.
First, may you ladies be kind. Keep her from spindles and sleep at sixteen,
let her stay waking and wise.
Nightmares at three or bad husbands at thirty,
these will not trouble her eyes. Dull days at forty, false friends at fifteen - let her have brave days and truth.
Let her go places that we've never been, trust and delight in her youth. Ladies of grace and ladies of favour and ladies of merciful night,
this is a prayer for a blueberry girl. Grant her your clearness of sight. Wordds can be worrisome, people complex, motives and manners unclear. Grant her the wisdom to choose her path right, free from unkindness and fear. Let her tell stories and dance in the rain, somersault, tumble and run, Her joys must be high as her sorrows are deep. Let her grow like a weed in the sun.
Ladies of paradox, ladies of measure, ladies of shadows that fall, This is a prayer for a blueberry girl. Words written clear on a wall.
Help her to help herself, help her to stand, help her to lose and to find. Teach her we're only as big as our dreams. Show her that fortune is blind. Truth is a thing she must find for herself, precious and rare as a pearl. Give her all these and a little bit more: Gift for a blueberry girl."
Anyway, I'm so blessed on how I have a body and a soul in this body.
I'm so blessed that I am capable of having the ability to have a goal.
And I am so blessed to have the privlage (idk how to spell) and support to help me reach my goal and also infuse love and care into the world.
"Ladies of light and ladies of darkness and ladies of never-you-mind,
this is a prayer for a blueberry girl.
First, may you ladies be kind. Keep her from spindles and sleep at sixteen,
let her stay waking and wise.
Nightmares at three or bad husbands at thirty,
these will not trouble her eyes. Dull days at forty, false friends at fifteen - let her have brave days and truth.
Let her go places that we've never been, trust and delight in her youth. Ladies of grace and ladies of favour and ladies of merciful night,
this is a prayer for a blueberry girl. Grant her your clearness of sight. Wordds can be worrisome, people complex, motives and manners unclear. Grant her the wisdom to choose her path right, free from unkindness and fear. Let her tell stories and dance in the rain, somersault, tumble and run, Her joys must be high as her sorrows are deep. Let her grow like a weed in the sun.
Ladies of paradox, ladies of measure, ladies of shadows that fall, This is a prayer for a blueberry girl. Words written clear on a wall.
Help her to help herself, help her to stand, help her to lose and to find. Teach her we're only as big as our dreams. Show her that fortune is blind. Truth is a thing she must find for herself, precious and rare as a pearl. Give her all these and a little bit more: Gift for a blueberry girl."
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