L3t's g0

I decided to blog to distract myself from hunger.

Anyway, these few couple of days has been really odd and weird like i was a freaking emotional wreck and i felt disgusted by it.

But I decided to dance in my room and everything was better. And I prayed too.

I guess, I was too bored to the extend of sadness and felt like, I shouldn't be like this.

And another thing was, I woke up this morning realizing that people shouldn't let one small thing or mistake define who they are as a person and they should let go from it. It might be tough, but everyone should have the strength to move on. You can't just stop at one point when you make a mistake! It's so important to forgive others as well as yourself and just move on. There's so much more to everyone if you just give them and yourself a chance.

I have been hanging out with the Kool Kids Klub, and Ice Peanut recently. I might hang out with Nabs and Kleef tomorrow after following my dad to the office! And I jwashed my dad's car with mum this morning/afternoon/brunch. I remember wishing Puan Khoo "Good Brunch!" once because I wasn't sure if it was morning/afternoon. I was supposed to follow dad to work this morning but caffeine didn't allow me to sleep. ~.~

Anyway, here are 2 pictures I took recently recently edited.

My dog's face... it actually pains me. 

Anyway, I feel like writing a poem so maybe I should! 

--

I wrap myself up in a nutshell, and make conclusion to who I am.

Let one little mistake, overcome and smother me.

In the nut shell, I am blinded by darkness, as it blankets my soul.

Afraid to let go of this demon, like precious gold.

The nutshell cracks open, I am afraid, there is nowhere for me to go.

These thoughts and feelings, that has been attacking me like a crow.

The light shines in.

My shell is finally cracked open.

I am out of my shell.

I have a story to tell.

And at the end of the day, all of us are made up of a cell.

The light is my best friend, the happiness is in my soul,

I feel alive from head to toe.

And there's so much more to you. I just want you to know.

--

Sometimes, I don't even know if I feel the way I write my poems. Some people, the write the things they feel and see. I am not sure if I do, really. As odd as it sounds! But it might be a subconscious thing. 

:)

And I have a tumblr now : koezan.tumblr.com do follow me if you wanna!
And plus, I actually wrote this entry this morning/afternoon but I was contemplating whether or not to post it because I might add stuff to blog about. But I didn't well, actually I did but they were nothing major. And so I shall publish this post now.

And I somehow can't seem to customize my blogger layout thingy anymore and I am frustrated and I don't like looking at my blog now. Can someone help me please!

I wanted to say something, but I forgot.

Oh now I do remember! On my way back home from dinner, as we were driving pass the beach, Lido Beach, my parents were talking about the houses on my left, on how the houses would sell well or something like that. Adult talk, or mature talk. And then I decided to look to my right after looking to my left (whilst listening to them talking about the houses) and I was looking at Danga Bay, and then we drove pass it and we were driving along the beach.. and then I decided to tell them how upset I am with the state of the beach. How it had so much potential to be a place for people to enjoy and spend time. A beach. A beach in town. A place where people could actually go in and do things they were supposed to do at the beach. I was so upset that I was complaining really loudly. Sigh. It truly is a waste. And then my dad told me how he used to go into the ocean and swim and actually do fun stuff there. And how he could actually see the corals and the fishes and stuff.

I just feel so..
Left out and bad for my generation.
Or feel bad for the people who didn't get to experience it.
And annoyed by the fact that when the state of the ocean was getting bad, no one bothered to do anything to make it any better. And now that it really is bad, they say things like, "Oh, the state of the water/ocean is too bad that it's hard to make it any better."

I am confused.
I am so confused between the relationship between two person on how they can bond. And how they can break.

So confused with the disagreements and agreements and whether to forgive.
So confused whether the friendship is worth saving.
I mean I don't get it.

I'm just lazy.
And I need someone who understand me.
Someone to talk to, someone I can be lazy to explain how I feel to.
It's all a question mark.

If a bond breaks, what's the reason for it?
How would we know if it's for the better or for the worse.
I would like to answer myself.
I think it's for both.

Is this a beginning or am I just gonna leave it hanging?

Hello all! I've finally pushed and forced myself to blog. I forgot how it actually feels like, putting your mind into saying and typing something. I don't know. I feel so foreign now it's so weird. I feel so odd now. It's weird!

I used to be the type that would blog almost all the time and I would love it. But now, I don't really do it anymore. And I think that I should continue doing it. I have a brain, and I need to use it to think. I mean, I do think, but this is a different thing to think about. I mean, it requires more brain since I'm typing and stuff.. oh god you see. my iq and eq has gone down.

Well, the holidays has been very very good so far and I'm happy with everything. But then again, it's human nature to be unsatisfied with everything. I'm too caught up with happiness and I'm too much in the flow that it's frustrating me. I want to do something. I really do. But when I have to do something, (i.e driving classes ugh) I get heavy hearted. I don't know..

And another reason why I stopped blogging is because I contradict myself a lot. And I change subjects a lot and then go back to it. I don't know. And I type I don't know a lot. Anyway, I'm dreading to go for driving classes. I don't know why. Actually, I do know why. I just hate how the van has to pick me up, and then how I'd be left there and everything's just so tensed at that place. I don't know how to put it. But I know things will be better if I don't think so much.

And I've got to get my license done, anyway. I just wished that the driving instructor would be my uncle or something. I'm sorry that I sound like a spoilt brat but ugh I'm really dreading the whole driving thing. But I'm doing it to lessen burden and stuff. And driving is fun, actually. But the whole process of (the whole process is actually nothing) driving is so.. (well it's actually nothing). But then again, I'm blessed that I have the privilege to drive.

Other than that, I'm following my dad to the office tomorrow to learn some c double-o l stuff and I'm pretty excited I guess. But I'm more excited knowing that I have to wake up early. And I do enjoy waking up early. Because I've been waking up at 10.30 and I hate it so so much. I love waking up early in the morning and having a bad ass breakfast.

Anyway, I really do hope that I'd continue blogging. Although, I feel like I haven't really gotten back the hang of it.. If there really is a "hang" to get back to.

Oh! and +++ I'm going for a bbq tomorrow. Can't wait! :>

I feel like this is the right time to blog. Just because.. well, there isn't a reason. I'm listening to Box Car Racer and it's so nostalgic to the point of tears in my heart. Oh god. Reminds me so much of my brother's teenage days and where I actually secretly did like the adrenaline punk rock gave me. I tried to hide it, though.

Anyway, I've been as free as a bird and I constantly question myself stuff like "what are you doing with your life." and I don't know right now. I just can't wait to go to college and stuff.

And I'm too lazy to blog so yeah bye.