Anyone?

Are feelings and thoughts the weirdest, most tormenting things or what? I suddenly feel horrible, or think that I do feel horrible. And it's not anyone's fault. If there is anyone, the only one would be me. I am so good and making my self feel crap. So good with putting thoughts in my head. So good to torment myself by sensitivity. It's so hard to write down how I feel, but I really want to.

It's so hard to even visualize.
I respect people who can actually write down on how they feel sometimes.
I'll try my best, though.

It's just that when you look at something, and then you look at yourself and then you ask yourself "What are you doing with your life?" I'm talking about comparing. I'm gonna be honest, to the point of honesty that I have this bad habit on comparing my life to others. But I am also damn good at contradicting that thought and telling myself that I am blessed. And I actually am. It's just this whole cycle, of me, comparing myself, my life and etc and feeling crap and then realizing how blessed I am.

But sometimes, I just feel so.. pathetic.
I just wish that I could concentrate on my life alone, and be the best I can. And not let what other people are doing, get to me. I hate it when that happens. I don't know how to explain, it's so hard. But my heart just.. cringes, and they go inward, and my heart beat gets heavy. Not slower, but they feel heavy. It's so weird how sometimes emotions, can make your heart feel odd.

I know that God has plans for me.
But sometimes, you just cant help comparing your life.
I know it is bad to do so. But sometimes, sometimes, I just can't help me. But I do slap myself into realization, which I will, at the end of writing this entry. And I'd regret posting this. But no, I won't put it down.

It's just that, I want to do so many things. I see so many things for me to do.
And, it's hard to find the opportunity to do so. At least, that's what I think.
I'm talking about things in general.
But this could be hormonal at the end of the day.
Well, no one knows.

What is human nature anyway? Is this human nature or is this me being really odd. No doubt, I am a happy person in general. But there are many expressions to express and emotions to emote. There is a huge pallet that I am allowed to feel or dwell in, and now I'm just in that "ugh" zone. But you know what I need now? I need a solace. And someone to say "I understand how you feel." Even if we, as different individuals can never, ever fully understand how the other can feel. But you know, it's comforting to know that someone does "understand". It's like a confirmation knowing that you're not alone. It's scary being alone.

And I'm asking for so much, and I am ranting so much.


And if anyone is feeling the way I do, all I want to tell you is that, I understand how you feel.

And if no one ever feels this way..

Help?