Regret.

I cannot wait to get over this phase of regretting how I spend my time.

It might be a small deal but every night I am feel with guilt on how little time I think or feel I have put in studying.

I cannot wait for this phase to be over because it honestly isn't even good for my emotional health.

I might sound like a total drama queen right now. But I honestly cannot wait for this phase to be over.

To at least have a night where I sleep, satisfied with my studying productivity.
It's like mental self-inflicting pain that I love to endure every night, unconsciously enjoying it (hurting myself) but hating the fact that I am doing it.

I just feel that. I really have to do my parents justice. That's all.